I finally have something to say.

So, previous attempts at blogging have usually failed dismally, petering out after a few random and uninteresting posts.

More and more, I'm finding that becoming progressively more disabled, and now a power wheelchair user outdoors, has finally meant that I have something I want to say. A lot of things, actually - not all directly to do with disability, although a lot of them will be. Disability has given me a life, in a very odd way - it's indirectly responsible for where I live, who I married, my self-employment, what my house looks like, how I dress and look, my politics - and my interest in politics... so much of my life has been affected by it.

And yet I don't mean that in the negative manner that phrase is usually used. I'm happier than I ever remember being before. I have a stable home which meets my needs (once the ramp they surveyed for on Thursday is built, anyway!). I have a husband who I love and adore passionately and who reciprocates those feelings - and who is at the same time, my best friend and my main carer. We have more-or-less achieved financial solvency, which is nothing short of a miracle in the current climate of Economic D00m. I have started a business making beautiful things for mony, which makes me calm and happy. I have certainty; about who I am and what I stand for, about love and family and security and all the things that really matter to me.

Without my disabilities, I can't see a way my life would have been like this at this point. To use social model definitions, I don't dislike being impaired - I actually like who it's made me. I passionately hate being disabled.

Every set of stairs that's the only route, every missing dropped kerb at a junction, every bus where the ramp is 'broken' or a parent won't even consider folding their giant tank-like pram which is occupying the _wheelchair_ space - they disable me. They make me other, lesser, unworthy, unimportant, unequal.

So often, it's not a question of money. It quite often takes just a little thought, consideration, or a few moments to fix some of these problems. The level of self absorbed inconsideration I witness every time I leave the house is breathtaking, even thought I know it's coming. Yet, at the same time, I can't twist my brain around the fact that these are the same species, the same population, maybe even the same individuals who are so kind and understanding it makes me want to cling to their leg in a hug of awed gratitude.

The guy who chased my hat down the street that windy day. The elderly gent at the hospital who helped me push my wheelchair up the hill, when I had a manual chair. The person who stops, asks if I'm OK, and after I've replied with 'yes, I'm fine, thank you very much for stopping to ask though!' nods, smiles and carries on their way, accepting my decision. The receptionist who comes around the counter to talk to me because it's the wrong height and we're having trouble communicating. The patience of the woman answering HMRC's helpline when I explain my speech is impaired and this might take a while.

How can such generosity, kindness and grace co-exist with the selfish mentality that says my needs are unimportant, that it's my own fault for being defective?

Human beings baffle me, all the time.

So yeah, I think I've finally found something that's worth saying.