DLA decision

So, I got my DLA renewal decision in the post today.

High rate mobility, low rate care, for two years.

Not best pleased. I was scared they were going to take it away entirely because I'd started working, but my care needs have increased massively. LRC is seriously not appropriate any more and hasn't been for over a year.

I did apply for a supersession, but they made a complete fuck-up of it. Went to appeal, even with disastrous ATOS report, cos GP had promised to support me when time came to write letters for tribunal. Long story short (because I'm still too traumatised to go through it, although I'll try and document it some time) he refused and I had to withdraw my appeal, as the tribunal chair who hated me from the start, told me flat-out that I would lose my HRM and therefore my car if I continued.

By the time my supersession got to appeal, I was due a renewal of my award anyway, which is what I just got the decision on.

They've contradicted themselves so much. I am virtually unable to walk, but I have no problem getting up and down stairs, in and out of a chair, or in and out of bed, according to them.

I am at risk getting in and out of the bath or shower and using a bath or shower, they say. Yet they also say I don't need help to bathe or shower. I mean, WTF? This is elementary logic. It isn't difficult. Even someone as hard of thinking as a DWP decision maker should realise they're talking gibberish.

They used my claim form, and a (completely false) ATOS medical from APRIL - over six months ago - and no other evidence. I wrote on my form that my GP knew most about my condition and treatment and would get the best and most accurate evidence from him.

Interestingly, the mobility decision says I can walk 75m, albeit slowly and in a poor manner. I really can't remember the last time I walked 75m without falling/stopping/experienceing excruciating pain.

Under 'preparing a cooked meal', it says I need help to carry and lift safely. Yet I don't need help several times throughout the day. Er... how am I supposed to eat/drink/*do* anything?

Under day attention, they agreed I need help to wash and dry myself, dress and undress, eat and drink, and communicate. So I'm not supposed to do any of these things during the day?! No eating, drinking or communicating unless it's getting up or going to bed time? FUCK THAT. That's before you get to the issues with lifting and carrying and the consequent spilling and changing clothes. And the dressing and undressing - including enough to go to the loo and clean myself up after - I'm not supposed to do any of that in the daytime?!?!

They have said that during the day I don't need help to get in and out of bed or a chair - I nap/rest in the day a lot so this is a daytime activity for me. I need to undress at least partially to be comfortable lying down. I can't walk, but I can get up and down perfectly easily?! I need help dressing and undressing but can put myself to bed - am I supposed to sleep in my clothes?! I'm already worried about pressure injuries when I spend any time in one position - jeans with rivets, belt buckles, hefty seams are going to make that *much* worse - the pain as well as the risk of pressure injuries. I'm not slobbing my life away in PJs, either.

Don't need help to use a bath or shower - but am at risk 'getting in and out of the bath or shower and taking a bath or shower. Logic fail.

I am virtually unable to walk. My house is totally unsuitable for me to use my wheelchair indoors - it's upstairs, for a start. Yet I need no help moving about indoors? WTF?

I need no help managing my treatment or medication. That's be why I can't do my physio without falling and getting stuck in pain on the floor, or remember my meds without Dave reminding me. Why I can't open my oramorph, regardless of whether it's a childproof or normal cap. Why I can't take my liquid meds with a spoon without pouring it down my cleavage - resulting in undressing/washing/dressing needs.

I am virtually unable to walk, but not at risk of falling. Huh? The falling is part of the reason I am virtually unable to walk!! and it's exactly the same on a level indoor surface as it is on a level outdoor one. More logic fail.

I'm not at risk of harming myself. That'd be why I struggled not to attempt suicide when they forced me to take it all to an appeal, and I couldn't get any help at all and had to withdraw because I was threatened by the tribunal chair. Why I replaced cutting myself - which I'd not done for over a year - with biting and scratching myself so my husband didn't catch on.

I'm not at risk of danger from blackouts or dizzy spells, or falls, they tell me. Apparently they've never heard of POTS in EDS patients. I also have low blood pressure normally, as well as severely impaired proprioception - not a great recipie for staying balanced, non-head-spinny and upright. That's before you get to the side effects of my meds.

Amitriptyline makes me sleepy, blurs my vision (which sucks anyway) and makes me dizzy and light headed, and occasionally palpitations.

Sertraline also has side effects of tiredness, dizziness, shakiness, palpitations, and muscle pain.

Morphine sulphate SR, and liquid morphine sulphate suspension, have side effects of drowsiness, especially getting up or down (but I don't need help in or out of a bed or chair or moving around indoors!!), vision problems, and palpitations.

Add in fragile connective tissue, hyperalgesia and allodynia from fibro and EDS, and easily subluxed and dislocated joints - clearly, I *am* at risk of bloody falls. They. Make. NO. Sense.

The reasoning for 'during the night' is the usual 'at your own speed, you can safely..'
I'm often up during the night. I'm also subject to all the problems I have during the day - I need drinks, sometimes food, I need the toilet, I may need to wash and change if I've spilled something/not managed to get to the loo in time. I need medication, which I cannot open bottles of/get out of packets - especially as my fingers tend to dislocate themselves if I get any length of time asleep.

Sleep comfortably? Are they kidding me? I don't even remember what that feels like. I'm only vaguely aware that it's still possible for people who aren't me. Turn over, adjust bedclothes, change position - inability to do these would be part of the reason I *can't* sleep comfortably, except they say I don't need help with them.

I'm really pissed off, in a depressed kind of way, about this. I think if it had to be an appeal again I probably would kill myself this time, I came uncomfortably close last time, and I really think the whole experience has just added to the PTSD I already have from various horrors in my past.

And yet, I need the help. I need the money, too, rather badly, but at this point they've screwed me up so much I care more about getting them to admit that they know my care needs are much greater. I think I'm going to start with asking for an appeal just to get the reconsideration if that makes sense, and send more evidence (newly arrived, so didn't make it into the DLA application pack). Fingers crossed. I hate them.

There's a story from a former DWP worker who ended up on sickness benefits floating round at the mo. It reads, to me, very much like the 'but I'm not a scrote!' special pleading you get from Daily Mail readers who've found out they're not immune after all. Plus, I'm probably going to be called all the names under the sun for this but - serves you fucking well right. Eat karma, bitch. He spent many, many years screwing people over, treating them - and making them feel like - subhumans. And feeling absolutely no empathy, remorse, or moral qualms of any kind, as he openly admits. Why the hell should I care?! He thinks he's a victim now? thinks he should be treated better? I think he's getting exactly what he gave out for many years, and that what goes around, comes around.

Argh. DLA/DWP make me absolutely fucking crazy, there's just no need for them. Petty, soulless, morally bankrupt little-tin-god tyrants. No sympathy for anyone who took that job voluntarily, none at all. I cannot take this fucking stress again! I cannot let them fucking lie about me to everyone!?