Spending time with my Dad, and pain vs fatigue

I love my Dad to bits. He and I fought like hell when I was a teenager - the usual story of him wanting me to stay his little girl and me wanting to be acknowledged as an adult, plus a side of him being hugely stressed out and me going crazy.


These days, I feel like I've got my Dad back. We went Christmas shopping for Mom today - had good fun and a laugh, then came back to mine, and put the world to rights - usual mix of politics, philosophy and general bitching about idiocy.

I love the fact that my Dad (and my Mom, for that matter) are people whose company I enjoy and who I like to spend time with, as well as being related.

Again, I'm reflecting on the fact of just how incredibly lucky I really am. I love my family, and they love me. When I was in the psych ward and fully believed they'd be absolutely justified in abandoning me, they were there every step of the way. No panic, no 'why are you doing this to me?' - just 'when can we come and see you and what do you want us to bring for you?'. Amazing. Lots of people believe their family love them and would support them no matter what - I have had the amazing privilege of seeing my family prove it to me. I *know* that it's true.

Today has been an odd one. Lots more pain than usual, but a fair bit less fatigue, as well. This actually works out a better deal for me - I actually have some semi-effective pain medication now, so I can always kill some of the pain with drugs when ignoring it and bullying through it has reached its limits. On the other hand, I have absolutely no effective techniques for managing fatigue. Zero, zip, zilch, nada, niet, nothing. Sleeping doesn't help. Resting doesn't help, pacing doesn't help, there's no medication I can take for it - if I run out of spoons, or wake up with them in short supply, then there's nothing I can do about it whatsoever. I just have to give up on whatever plans I had and use my precious spoons for things like breathing and eating.

So, yeah, give me pain any day. Although, I have to admit, both waking up with the majority of my fingers dislocating, and my persistently subluxated shoulder, are getting on my nerves. I think it may be Oramorph o'clock again...!

Oh, and this month's supply of lactulose solution has turned up in a bottle that makes it look like floor cleaner, much to my amusement!!